dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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