He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I looked at my own cervix.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
