Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
