i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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