I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
