Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
