There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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