so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
