I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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