He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
