I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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