Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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