so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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