the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so let's talk penis.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
