My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
