I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Vodka?
Forever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
