To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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