So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This is my gift to your gina
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
