I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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