I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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