..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can't put those talents on a resume
My ass is underappreciated
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
