The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
