Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
