Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
