haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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