I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
