i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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