wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
