problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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