there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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