She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
