You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize