I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
