can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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