you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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