I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize