Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
