And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
