If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
