Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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