i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
