So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
