he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
