We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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