dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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