I showed him my bush... on skype.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize