I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
