HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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