Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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