My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
