Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
