you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
