youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
