I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
