Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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