Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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