I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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