He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
