u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
