there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
