Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
