CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
