your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
