It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
