the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Me too!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
