Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
