Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
