you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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