i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
