don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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