i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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