I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
