is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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