I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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