She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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