Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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