I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
