just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
