I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
