A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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