3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
