reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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