Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
