If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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