I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
