You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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