I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
