cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm always down for nudity.
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