What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he shaved USA in his pubs
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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