So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My ATM looks so different sober.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
