I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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