Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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