Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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