Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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