If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
