Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize