i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
