It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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