So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize