i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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