Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize