he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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