$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
kristin has been a bad kristin
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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