I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
