so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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