We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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