while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
